True Romance

Okay, so we have pulled out of the FOB, which means we are back at the barracks and that means hot showers, porcelain toilets, and PASS! If you don't know what pass is then you haven't read my wife's or my family blog, which i do encourage you to do. I think it will give you (my readers) a 360 view of this deployment. Anyway being back in the barracks means i have one day to wait to see my wife. Jessica is driving out here to Fort Dix to spend 4 days with me. I haven't been this excited in a long time. This wait and how i feel has just reconfirmed how much i love my wife and why she is the perfect one for me. I guess its just the gut feeling of needing her around. I feel like she is my drug and without her i am in constant withdraw. So these four days will need to be my "fix" if you will for the next 10 or 11 months. As for what we plan to do on pass, we want to have a nice dinner, we want to spend time together and we just basically want to forget what happens at the end of the four days.

That being said, what happens at the end of those four days is the hardest part. The good bye. Not the good bye like last time because we knew there would be one more chance to see each other. This will be the last goodbye, a physical goodbye, for a long time. This will be the last time i kiss my wife for approx. a year. That i think will be the hardest part for me. I love my kids don't get me wrong, but the kind of love i have for my children is completely different than the love i have for Jessica. I am IN LOVE with Jessica. I feel that my soul mate has been found. No matter how much we fight or what its about we both seem to always find a way through. We may have hard times and we may have easy times but the toughest times are the ones spent apart. I have spent over a year preparing to leave my wife and kids on this deployment and i feel they are ready. As ready as the can be. I feel that i have not prepared myself. I am not ready to not touch my wife's beautiful face for a year. I have done time away from Jessica before, a two week stint here and there, but never this long. Time away from Jessica, is like time without breathing. I feel very alone without her. I have never felt in all my life that i needed someone to help me through. I feel that now. I need my wife, my Jessi, to help me through the rest of my days. I hope it is not taken as a weakness or as trivial. I do not say this to anyone but the computer screen, i do not toot my own horn in how i have found my "one" i write this to put what is in my heart and what is in my soul on paper for all eternity. Never have I, and the never is for sure, felt so amazed by one person. Jessica has weathered the storm of kids, moving, custody battles, marriage, poverty, a husband that has PTSD, her own demons, and then a deployment. She has done all this with smiles on her face and a drive for the next day. I have, and i admit this with humility, underestimated her. Never again with that happen. I have always known Jessica could handle everything put in front of her, but never did i completely allow what would come at her to be unchecked. I have always put secondary plans in place to protect her. I have not done so now and i am glad i didn't. She has done wonders.

While this deployment is just getting started i pray i do not speak prematurely, but no matter what happens next I will always support Jessica in everything she chooses to do. I want to chastise, those who have underestimated, not believed in, or just down right passed over MY Jessica. She would has proven you all wrong. Those of you out there who ever doubted her, this includes myself, should be ashamed. She is smarter, stronger and has a better constitution than any of us. She will make things work. If she cant she will go down fighting. That is all anyone should ever ask of a person. To continue trying no matter what the cost is a sign of someone worth supporting. I love Jessica with all my heart, i wish i had more ways to show her how much she means to me. I took stock of myself when i decided that Jessica was the one for me. I said to myself and her that i would make every dream of hers come true. I felt that she was never given the best situation to succeed and because of that she never got what her heart desired. I was not about to let such a wonderful person go through life without being happy. She received this news well and unlike most, she didn't ask for the moon, though if she did, I would be at NASA now. She asked for a house that she could call her own. Something she had never lived in. An actual house with four walls not attached to anyone else. She asked for her children to always be at her side. Meaning having majority custody of Marissa and any other children we have. She asked to be able to raise her kids herself without have to rely on daycare for help. This meant she would not be working. She asked for a car that wasn't a bucket. Yes the ones previous to the one she had now all were buckets, any way you slice it they were bad. She asked to have a chance to repair the damage that three kids can do to the body. That is it. Please note that no where did she ever ask for riches or outlandish vacations, or unrealistic materials. I promised her her dreams and I have come through on every one so far. I do not intend on stopping. Jessica is my soul mate, she will always be my soul mate. I don't care if she reads this, that is not why i am writing this, I am back at the barracks counting the hours till i see her. I have trained hard over the past 3 weeks with the hope of earning my chance to see my wife. No touch will be as sweet has hers, no kiss as soft, no voice as calming, no embrace as welcoming. I want my Jessica here but i dread the four day. I do not want that fourth day to come. I know what that means, if i could spend forever on day 1 i would.

I love you Jessica, I will come home I promise.